ChicaMarya

Damen Brown Line 4-26-2008, originally uploaded by chicamarya.

More progress! This was taken Saturday, 4-26-2008. You can see the new girders against the backdrop of the old, rusty things. The rusty ones have a lot of history and age, but I have to say that all that rust also doesn’t make me feel like it’s got the greatest structural integrity to last far into the future.  It’s been interesting to watch the construction crew and the heavy equipment they use to hoist girders and to enable the crews to work.  While I’m not a fan of delayed train rides, it’s almost reassuring to hear the announcements that “crews are working on the tracks” or other similiar ones, as I am among many CTA Brown Line Riders who look forward to the reopening of the Damen Station, since it will cut down on some of the commuting disruption.

The Damen Brown Line  Hooray,  more progress is being made on the station that I used to use to go just about anywhere!!   During January and February, it seemed like such a waste to have closed the station while it appeared that not much was going on.  While I can appreciate that there may have been construction being done that was not easily ascertainable from the street, for those of us who depend on the Brown Line and were using this station, not seeing progress wasn’t exactly making us happy campers while we slipped and slid our way to either the Western Ave. or Montrose Brown Line Stops instead.  With Spring seems to have come more steel girders and more construction… and knowing that we’ll only have to put up with walking to another stop for 9 more months. 

So what exactly makes a ‘good marriage?’  In the Chicago area, the news has been covering the search (and discovery) of Anu Solanki.  According to the Chicago Sun Times, “Solanki, 24, who moved to the Chicago area after her marriage in May, was reported missing Monday by her husband, Dignesh, when she disappeared soon after leaving work at a gift shop in the Westin Chicago North Shore Hotel in Wheeling.  Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said early Friday that Solanki appeared to have traveled with Karan C. Jani, 23, who graduated this year from the University of Southern California in Los Angeles… “We believe Anu is, in fact, alive,” Dart said earlier Friday. “She had another relationship with someone.” 

For myself, after a disabling accident in 1991, what was a ‘tolerable’ marriage became intolerable.   While we did a lot of things together, we stayed together because of cultural and societal pressures we felt, and neither of us were honest with each other in admitting that the love was gone, as were gone any sparks and emotional connections.  We had become two friends, not even good friends, who were living together.  After my accident “honesty” was in our face and after a couple more years I was forced to put truth on the table and we split.  It was the worst time someone in my situation could have done this, but it the living with a stranger with no support made life even more intolerable than living on my own again. Because of our personalities, we never overtly shouted or fought, we often usually appeared together at business and family functions and we didn’t put acrimony first in all the years of being not so happily married.  

I’d say for most of our years, we weren’t miserable until the end, but we were ‘tolerating’ each other and at times at peace with ‘being stuck’ with each other until after my accident.  From the outside, people thought we had a GREAT marriage, so when we announced we were getting a divorce, except for my closest friends, most everyone was shocked and could not believe it.  Common comments from people, including relatives, were of the ilk of, “you both always seemed to love each other… you both seemed so happy together, etc.”   After reading comments about Anu Solanki, it brought me back to some difficult years for me in the past, and how we stayed in our marriage because we felt trapped… and how it took a disabling accident to push us to our truth that while on the outside, things looked fine, on the inside life was miserable and we wanted out.  In our case, my accident exacerbated our relationship problems (or lack of relationship) and we divorced before either of us had an affair. 

The experience of staying when ‘feeling trapped’ is something that only those who have experienced it can truly understand why spouses often do the things they do before they decide to separate.  Personally I believe it is one of the reasons so many people step out on their spouses.  Ultimately it isn’t about the other person, ultimately it is about a person being honest with whether staying in a marriage or relationship is for their highest good or if they are just living in a created fantasy of “don’t force me to change my life.” 

I finally saw “Bobby” last night thanks to my Netflix subscription.  I can understand the criticisms that having a cast of stars could be distracting.  What I found distracting was the lack of demographics.  Estevez’s film had a good number of Latinos and Mexicans featured in the kitchen, a smaller smattering of African Americans and absolutely no Asian Americans.  Come on, this was in Los Angeles, one of the few places in the USA which already had a large Asian Amercian population!!

Shame on you Emilio for ignoring this group, one that built the railroads in this nation, a group that sacrificed for their country and which found their civil liberties taken away just 24 years prior to Bobby Kennedy’s murder.  Then again, for me, the star studded cast is a reminder that this is Hollywood, not real life.  Mexican kitchen help has some   dialogue toward conveying their situtation and a little of US history about US acquistion of Mexican lands, and uses the term “Latino” once but that is all.  For the most part, the handing of ethnic subcultures is superficial.  I suppose if Estevez wasn’t Mexican in heritage, it might have been even more wanting.  Still, Asian Americans and Native Americans have been living in California (it was Indian land before, remember??) minimally at the turn of the 1900’s.  Yet Bobby, with its historical background, would have a view believe Asian Americans and First Nation people did not exist in Los Angeles, that African Americans had largely “made it” and all Mexicans worked kitchens.  Bobby left me disappointed at this mix, with the sad irony that Kennedy’s speeches had so much more substance than the film’s depiction of those of whom he spoke of and for.

I’m happy to report that my favorite Whole Foods store (the one I shop at regularly) has undergone a good metamorphisis.  Missing is the dour faced girl that I used to find so unpleasant at the Customer Service counter.  There are a few other old faces missing, some of which were good employees, so I can’t say that all the changes seem good, but the mood in the store is definitely much, much better.  The robotized personal interactions I had noticed the past year seem replaced by nicer, gentler, real customer interactions - hooray.  That’s the good news, and that’s the Lake View store.  The bad news still is at the Huron Street store.  Stopping by there on the way back from my (uh) dentist’s office to buy a cookie and a few other items, I was amazed that things haven’t changed for the better.  There was no hello, no eye contact, not even a thank you - it was the most silent of transactions that leaves a person feeling like they don’t count as a consumer.  It left me with a very unpleasant memory, that being that at least the last time I was there, there was at least some acknowledgement, albeit minor, that as a customer I was more than a thing that held out my money to be taken. 

One other comment:  the Whole Foods in Lake View has a much, much better cookie selection in their bakery!! 

August 10, 2005

Most little kids idolize rock stars and movie stars, and sports heros.  Me?  Je suis geek extraordinaire.    When I was barely old enough to start writing (and believe me, I wrote to anyone since kids don’t perceive the ‘boundaries’ that adults do), I wrote to my number one news guy, Peter Jennings.  God Rest your soul, you dear, dear man who brought the world to us with your truth, humanity and respect for mankind.

Joe is the “other” in my life…. 

May 25, 2005

I used to be a Whole Foods devotee… until recently.  Now another has my heart, and his name is Joe…Trader Joe.   I love good quality food.  I’m also an avid organics consumer.   Yes, I KNOW that Jewel and Dominicks sell some organic produce.  But for me… I want my organics from a place that doesn’t use conventional pesticides.  After all, that would defeat the purpose of buying organic, wouldn’t it??  And…there is a pesky health issue I have that precludes me from anything less.

Since they’ve opened in Chicago, I’ve shopped at Whole Foods.  Well, actually I used to shop at other stores too, but most of them have all disappeared.  Of all the Whole Foods, I had my favorite store.  It’s not the big honking one on North Avenue.  That’s all I’ll say for now, because “my” store seems to be changing.  I’m not sure what’s going on, but often when I go there, the upbeat, friendly and great vibes I used to get seem to have got up and gone.   Besides having a place to buy the foods that I want to eat, I used to have fun there.  I used to enjoy shopping there.  It was a destination for me and not just a run to the store.

Some years ago Trader Joes came to Chicago.  When they first arrived, while I enjoyed shopping there, nothing compared to ‘my’ Whole Foods store.  But relationships can change, and this one certainly did.  Now… Trader Joes, who used to be ‘the other man’ is now my favorite.  Why this turn of the heart?? Simply this.  Connectedness and customer love. 

I feel more connected at the Trader Joe’s checkout then I do at the Whole Foods checkout.  Sure, the service at Whole Foods still surpasses the other major chains as far as customer service goes, but, uhh, while we were all at Millennium Park under the Cloud, Trader Joe’s started to ramp up their customer focus.  Their checkout lines are friendlier and more upbeat.  They’re fun.  They’re the way I remember ‘my’ Whole Foods store used to be, before this almost depressive feeling that seems to permeate the store at times.  I miss ‘the old days’ when some of the cashiers dressed with attitude.  Sure, one of them had enough metal to set off a detector and wore more eye makeup then I do, but the guys and gals used to dress and look like themselves.  Now?  Not so much… there’s only a few holdouts… far too few.

Back to my new love.  When you ask someone at Trader Joe’s for something, they really follow through for you to get you an answer AND they do this with passion.  You KNOW they want to help you.  And after a few experiences like that, you notice anything that is substandard to this level of service.  They still don’t meet my unique and special dietary needs, so I still see ‘the other,’ Whole Foods.  But I’ve started

Friday, January 28th, 2005

So I was writing to one of my myspace buds – someone I knew before I ever got onto this e-community, and after he wrote back his comments I figured I should probably elaborate, and share this will anyone else who is interested.For the last 20,000 years or so, our earth life has been dealing with a lot of darkness. This is obvious when we look at the state of our world. In many parts of the world, untold misery is known. New York Times award winning journalist Nicholas Kristoff has written in depth about the sex slaves of Cambodia, about young (girl) children sold into slavery by people who disdain human life and respect for women. Africa has had more than its share of hardship, genocide and brutality, and we’ve all seen the horrific devastation of the Tsunami. Even in the US, a nation known for ‘wealth,’ is seeing a growing new class of working poor. These are people who hide the poverty that they live in, often too ashamed to ask for help and are ironically panhandled by those assuming they have untold wealth. I know many of these, who at first glance appear well off but are actually barely making it, and barely able to buy food. I could go on but my point is made, that currently life seems to be filled with darkness for many. But wait…go back into history, and virtually every nation on this planet has done something to harm, hurt, control, rule, and often slaughter other human beings in some name, whether it be a misappropriated twist on religion, manifest destiny, or colonialism.Yet something else is happening. Many people are seeking religion, or spirituality. Many are being awakened by their own spirituality. We are spiritual beings in a material realm, and as such we have material needs and a body. We are also on the brink of moving out of these darkest of dark ages and into the Light. It is this new dawning that has many people questioning who they are, why are they here, feeling lost, and related issues of spiritual ponderings. As human beings, we all have a spiritual mission in life. Some of us figure out what it is when we’re younger, some of us figure it out much later in life, and some remain clueless to the grave. Once you begin to connect with the highest parts of your consciousness so that parts of your spiritual self are revealed to you, ALL has more meaning and a raison d’etre.Related to that, I wanted to touch on the aspect of mind power. As spiritual beings, our energy, our mind, is where our power exists. Most human beings only use 5% of their mind power. And 95% of that is mind power is subconscious. Subconscious thoughts are thoughts that are deeply programmed into us, and that we are usually not aware of. We live with two tapestries, one positive, and one negative. If you want to get a sense of your subconscious thoughts, look at how your life has turned out. Are you finding life impossibly hard? Chances are in your very quiet moments when you are stressed out, you can find yourself going to a place where your thoughts support “life is hard.” Or do you have problems with finding that people aren’t trustworthy and stab you in the back? At that same negative side of your tapestry, you may have programs that “everyone betrays me.” Think about that… if we have 95% negative programming, we manifest 95% of this stuff. The human mind is indeed powerful; often manifesting a lot of things we don’t consciously or unconsciously want in our lives yet they keep seeming to happen. There is a way out… by clearing our deepest subconscious thoughts, but to be the most effective we need to be in touch with the higher parts of our spirituality. For those of us to do find a way to clear the negative programming, we increase our personal power, and increase our levels of light.So our new age that we are moving into is that which is less about living in the dark and more about living in the light. We’re in that transitional period, and if we’re aware of the stuff we don’t like in our life, it is our clarion call to do something about it at the highest levels of our being, one which will bring not only good benefits to us, but for the greatest good of all mankind. We are all connected, like it or not, as human beings on this planet. Centuries ago we could remain more isolated, but technology and the Internet have made it easier to connect virtually. But we are not just connected virtually. We are connected spiritually, as one race, the human race. Our collective consciousness is only as high as the highest person and as low as the darkest person. Where we want to be spiritually, that is what we do towards truly contributing to world peace and a better life for all. 

Comments

Posted by Poimandres on Sunday, January 30, 2005 at 11:14 AM
Not to sound selfish but this is the blog I needed to read…this reminded me of a quote from Marcus Garvey he said that, ” something that may not be true may be made so if it’s said long and often enough”. Is amazing how you described how our actions correspond to the subconscious thought because…personally I basically needed just one college course to transfer to a university and for some odd reason I declined and was thinking of going to a 6 to 9 month labor program to basically have the funds to live on my own (I think it’s about time) but thinking about it this morning my reasoning was not really logical because if I spent 3 years of my life taking college courses and all I need is one course why am I going to stop be4 heading to the finish line to start a different race from the beginning? and from learning ur blog I realized that I was subconsciously programming myself to make a simple situation more difficult…I know this may not sound harmonious but am glad u pointed out the part of our psyche that makes us think that we cannot trust anyone….ive been going thru that lately even my fam is like what happened to U? and the 1st thought is what didn’t happen u know? but am generalizing too much am not going to lie from short span of 5 months I had allot bad experiences with con-artist in the music biz fake promoters who dont pay u childhood homey exploiting ur identity and background, and crazy people from Downtown Sd that I cant mentioned on cyberspace. but in reality compared to the wickedness of the world and the victims of misfortune shows that my predicament it’s not so serious. However, I sought spiritually a large fraction of my life to find wholessness and peace regardless of what goes on out side I sougt the light within. because I learned a long time ago that the kingdom of God is within you….and I know this is going to be lentngy and to me u wrote the perfect blog…..and regarding the new class of the working poor that is how my family has been but though in the world it may seem like foolishness they give out of their poverty to cuba and its been that way for the past 25 years I ve taken that path 5 years ago but the “American” in me is grappling with that tradition because is an act of selfless love but in a material world our actions are not praised in the for of success but in the form stupidity because we are not helping our self something I ask myself how would my lil bro and sister lives been if my parents would of utilize 25 years worth of income on the the immediate family? it doesn’t take a space scientist to determine that we wouldn’t be so poor that it’s why as an older brother and first “American kid” I was programmed to always be the hero of the family however no mater how much I want to escape this responsibility an old man (belive me I feel old) is like an invisible gravitational pull that drives me back to this endeavor. but I do have to admit poverty has made me more sympathetic towards people who are in worse conditions…I guess that’s one of the benefits! but no matter what state am in low high, hope hopeless…I know in my heart am going to be someone important in the world whether hiphop artist, coach doctor teacher whatever but the thing that gives me self worth is my education I love learning…I was guarded books close to heart

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I’m reading my friend Luis’s MySpace blog and he asks a good question about when did we shift from matriarchial to patriarchial. I’m doing another big research project on mixed race persons in the US. This is much more extensive then the one done last year, with a broader scope. It is also being done vis a vis the context that the primary reference is the dominant culture. As such it also looks at the experiences of monoracial groups so that there is a better understanding of why these groups have responded to issues of declaring mixed race identities in the new millennium. Many monoracial groups are not down with these declarations, but there is a historical mindset that contributes to all of that which is based in social experiences of minority groups.

So… here’s part of the info from my paper…

In pre-Columbian times, traditional Native peoples usually designated their societies based on matrilineal descendency, and the majority of these were matrilineal because it was easier to trace a child from its mother. In contemporary times, Native American membership has shifted so that in some tribes members must be born on the reservation, have certain blood quantum, and other structurally defined requirements. One of the consequences of the IRA (Indian Reorganization Act) is that the act was defined in patriarchal terms. This created a major social disruption when, in Santa Clara Pueblo v. Martinez (436 US 49,197 the male dominated leadership among Pueblo society in New Mexico took away tribal membership from a woman and her children because she married a Navajo man outside of the tribe. The pre-IRA tradition of matrilineality that existed among the Santa Clara people would have prevented this legal decision by this skewed male dominated Pueblo council leadership (James, 1995: 136).

The Dawes Allotment Act in 1887 stipulated that for any eligible Indian to receive their allotments, they must be half or more Indian blood. This restrictive determination quantified who could or could not “identify” as being Indian. The Dawes Act had its roots in US Governmental policy that focused on trying to force Indians into the white man’s civilization, and as a result of this act, there was even a campaign for non-Indian men to marry Indian women who were allottees, since the US based system was patriarchal. In some cases this led to the early death of the Indian wife, giving clear title transfer to the “white” male spouse (Jaimes, 1995:137). The hidden agenda in this legislation was to co-opt the land for non-Indian use and eventual ownership (Jaimes, 1995:137). The Cherokee communities in Oklahoma saw at least two thirds of their land expropriated by the federal government with cooperation by non-Indians. This imposed exclusion policy has resulted in the use of blood quantum and enrollment requirements in order to insure federal recognition as well as federal funding. Different tribal entities designate different blood requirements that may or may not differ from the BIA criteria of quarter blood. The Cherokees of Oklahoma are unique in that they do not require any blood quantum standard, and as such have surpassed the Navajo-Dine population in numbers, despite being restricted to tracing their Indian descendency as required by the Dawes Act.

and further into the paper…
The nature of mixed race Native Americans is not a new one and is not only about the Métis, who are mixed Indian and French and were primarily fur trading families. Creole families in the American Midwest were formed during the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries when French Canadian and French fur traders traveled into the Great Lakes region and married into Indian customers’ families. These biracial and bicultural households developed hybrid societies. As colonizers came into the United States, they arrived intending to build arms, towns and businesses, with “manifest destiny” in mind, and believed they were creating a new society and that none existed before their arrival. Many mixed race persons experienced both cultural prejudice and racism from the colonizers, who were shocked and displeased to find high ranking women of color as well as men of color in these communities, since the Creole social structure was a product of bi-culturalism. This bicultural environment leant itself to women who could control, own and convey property and manage independent decisions, influenced by traditional Indian cultures. This was due to many Creole women being usually either Native American or part Native American, and Indian women of the time played more active roles in politics, religious leadership and management (JWH, 2003).

 Comments:

Posted by Poimandres on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 at 4:00 PM
This is very interesting..it is very unfortunate to see that the “dominant society” has sought to coerce their frame of reference on other people hence (sexism/ race elitisms). As far as The mixed people (speaking from my own experience) I could imagine the inner conflict that they dwelt with every day in terms of being aware that they bloodline is purged with two opposing monoracial groups. However, from reading the above it is obvious that the Creole people were still looked upon as less in the eyes of the white masses. My country was originally inhabited with aboriginal people, they were known as the Taino Indians…but as history shows the Spaniards colonized the island of Cuba and also enslaved people from West Africa and coerced them to work on the plantations of Cuba and is sad to say but that is how “black people in Cuba learn how to speak Spanish. Several Chiefs who spoke in the original language had there tongues severed because they were aware that a common language with the pride of history and culture empowers people to keep on fighting and till this day we see this going on throughout the entire world….. The Aboriginal/African has a common struggle against the “dominant society “. The Vatican also partook in the process of “institutionalizing” the minds of the people into denouncing their beliefs…and of course we know that this was not a simple process…in the meseums in Havana you will paintings of Indians being burned on the stake for not accepting the Catholic religion and what is hypocritical and creepy about the paintings is that there is a priest holding a cross while pouring holy water on the aboriginals while their being burned alive…is sad to see that history tells us that their is people who feed of destruction and chaos and shun peace and love…as for me I learned about the history of africa but it makes the inner conflict even more stronger…because my mothers side of the family is Spaniard however, just like the Creole Indians am still black! lol

My interest in discovering the origins of the matriarchal society derives from the awareness that ancient religions held the Woman Goddess as the Co-Creator which makes sense because a Child is created towards the Union of Both……and apart from spirituality…. I do not understand why the colonizers brought death and destruction everywhere they went….

Friday, December 17, 2004

Okay, so I was at one of my MySpace pal’s page, reading about his non-Geek status on his blog.  I figured, hey, this is the test for me. So I took it. Arwwk!!! What a shock. Then again, I have to admit I think I would have scored higher but the test was clearly to measure for guy geeks, like, what would I care about girls and webcams.

So, while there might be a little geek in all of us, finding out I’m more than half geek is alarming. And my answer to whether I’ve skipped showering 3 days in a row was a definite no!